A Light on a Hill
by cof2e2
Summary: Reid finally deals with his drug addiction... with a little help from a friend. final chapter up.
1. Chapter 1

A Light on a Hill

Disclaimer- I own nothing in this story except the configuration of words, and I am getting no money from it. The name of the story is taken from the title of a song by Margot and the Nuclear So and So's. This story was written while I listened to their album The Dust of the Retreat on repeat.

Reid let out a sigh of relief as he stepped through into his apartment. Quickly he locked and dead bolted the door, and slid the security chain into place. After nearly three years at the BAU he never entered his apartment without immediately doing those three things. He turned on several lights and moved to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee brewing before dropping himself onto the couch. The arsonist case in San Francisco had taken a lot out of him and he needed to relax. Flipping on the TV he found a movie channel playing the newest of the Star Trek films. Though he owned it on DVD he left it on anyway. It was one of his favourites, due in no small part to the portrayal of Chekov. Reid could defiantly understand what it was like to be a genius often dismissed because of being young.

Reid retrieved a cup of coffee and settled himself into the couch. He kicked off his shoes to display his mismatched socks as he loosened his tie. He was very glad to be home, but at the same time it increased his anxiety. While he was an introvert and did enjoy spending time alone, the last few months had been hard, and being alone had become increasingly more difficult. Lately when he was alone he turned to Dilauded, but for the past two weeks he had been trying to avoid using it. He hadn't been very successful.

After New Orleans he had had very strong intentions of not using the drug any longer, but had only managed to last 36 hours before giving into his craving and taking a dose. Since he started buying his own Dilauded that was not Tobias' cocktail mixed with a psychedelic, he enjoyed the high much more. He had tried to wean himself off slowly, but once he had taken a small dose he usually got to the point that he didn't care and ended up taking more. Already, though he had only just gotten home, he felt his eyes drifting to the bathroom where he kept the drug hidden. He gripped his coffee cup tightly, trying to fight off the urge to use.

He thought briefly about calling one of the team to see if they wanted to go out for something to eat, but quickly decided against it. Though he knew it was irrational he couldn't help being a little bit angry at them. Between his talk with Gideon after the case in New Orleans and his comment likening the arsonist to addiction on the latest case he felt like he had practically begged the team for help, and none of them had responded. Asking for help was not something that Reid often did, but though he hadn't exactly asked for it in so many words he felt like his intentions had been very clear. To be fair, neither Hotch nor Gideon could really do anything about it. If they had any evidence about his drug use, as his superiors, they were required to report it. And Emily didn't know him well enough to really do anything. He cringed at the thought of how awful he had been to her the past few months. He had been taking his anger about everything lately and unfairly turning it on her. He wouldn't blame her if she hated him. But for some reason, though he didn't dislike her, he had found himself often irritated with her. Maybe it was because she had replaced Elle, or maybe it was her light teasing of him like the others on the team did. But they were his friends, and their teasing didn't bother him. Well, not usually anyway. But she was someone who didn't know him very well. Though her teasing had most likely been in fun and was only an attempt to integrate herself into the team he could not help but feel a little hostile towards her for it.

Reid sighed and put his cup on the coffee table. He rubbed his face and again his eyes drifted to the bathroom. He was so tired, but he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to sleep without some help. Even if he did he would be haunted by his dreams. He groaned and leaned back on the couch, and tried to distract himself by watching Kirk meet Spock from the future, but even that was not working.

Abruptly he stood and crossed to the bathroom. He tore open the medicine cabinet and pulled the Dilauded out of its hiding spot in a box meant to hold cough syrup. Not that he really ever had anyone over to his apartment, but he still wasn't careless enough to leave it out in the open. He tossed the box aside and unscrewed the top of the bottle. He held it wavering in his hand. He wanted desperately to just tip the bottle to empty the contents into the sink and be done with it. He had had this battle with himself many times before. Two times he had even succeeded, but then found himself calling his dealer only hours later to replace the drug.

Defeated, he grabbed a syringe from the drawer and used the belt he was wearing to make a tourniquet. He filled the syringe with a large dose, no longer caring about his desire to wean himself of the drug. He slid the needle into his vein and depressed the plunger, then tossed the syringe back into the drawer before releasing the belt around his arm. The rush was immediate, and he slid to the tiled floor, leaning against the wall, and sighed in relief.

He remained on the floor for quite some time, feeling no desire to move back to the living room or to the bedroom. He was perfectly content where he sat, enjoying the feeling of nothingness. After a while he dozed a bit. He didn't know how much time had passed before he heard a knock at the door. It had probably hadn't been more than an hour or two. He tried to ignore it, but whoever it was knocking was persistent.

Groaning, he rolled to his knees then used the lip of the sink to pull himself to his feet. He legs felt rubbery, and stood there for a moment to steady himself. He looked at his reflection and stifled a giggle. At the moment he found looking in the mirror incredibly funny, but he wasn't entirely sure why. It felt somewhat surreal, looking at himself. The knocking at the door became more persistent. He sighed. It was probably was one of the team. No one else ever came to his home. Actually, to be fair, the team never really came to his home either. Gideon had been on occasion to play chess, and Morgan had dropped him off a few times when they had got done with work too late and he had missed the last train, but that was it.

He cringed as his door was pounded on and was this time was accompanied by a voice. "Come on, kid, I know you're home. Open the door."

Reid sighed heavily. Morgan. Of course it was Morgan. Anyone else would probably have given up, but Morgan would be there until two in the morning, still knocking if he thought that Reid was home. Reid shook his head and made his way down the hallway slowly. He hadn't even made it halfway when Morgan knocked again, louder.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Reid called out. He made it to the door and fumbled with the locks, struggling with the security chain. It took several tries for him to be able to slide it free. He swung the door open. "What are you doing here, Morgan?" he asked, not bothering to try to hide his irritation.

"Hey, grumpy much?" Morgan smirked and raised his hands. Reid didn't respond except to glare. Morgan rolled his eyes. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"You've never been in my apartment before. Why did you decide to just show up in the middle of the night?"

"Somebody's cranky when his beauty sleep gets interrupted." Morgan pushed past Reid into the apartment without his invitation. He held up a brown paper bag. "I left the office about an hour after you did and I thought I'd stop and grab some Chinese at that really good restaurant on 23rd and then realized how close I was to your place so I figured I pick some up for you too and bring it over here."

"That restaurant is almost seven miles from here, Morgan," Reid said dryly.

Morgan didn't seem fazed as he walked into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards for plates. "I got those egg rolls that you like."

"Okay, I see we're just going to pretend that you showing up here isn't weird," Reid grumbled. He followed Morgan as he brought the dishes to the rarely used table in his dining room.

Morgan looked around the small apartment, taking in the well-used but comfortable looking furniture and the many shelves housing hundreds of books and the one shelf that contained dozens of science fiction DVDs. "I can defiantly tell that you live here."

"It's my apartment, Morgan. Was it supposed to look like someone different lived here?"

Morgan raised an eyebrow. "You usually reserve this level of hostility for Prentiss."

Reid blushed and looked away. "Sorry. I'm just tired."

The older man shrugged. "Sit down and eat."

"I'm not really hun—"

"Sit," Morgan interrupted. "Eat." He ordered.

Reid dropped into the chair, looking a bit like a child who had been reprimanded for something. He grabbed one of the egg rolls and took a small bite.

"Why is it that you don't like Prentiss?" Morgan asked conversationally.

Reid looked up in surprise. "I don't not like her."

"I've never really seen you be rude to anyone other than her. She said that you really snapped at her in Huston at that homeless shelter." Morgan's voice wasn't accusing, only curious.

"I shouldn't have done that," Reid mumbled. "I have been pretty terrible to her, haven't I?"

"Maybe a little," Morgan admitted. "Not by everyone's standards, but you are usually fairly polite to everyone. It's sort of weird to see you snap like that."

Reid toyed with his fork, not looking up. "I should apologize to her," he said after a moment.

"She understands that you've had a rough go of it lately." Morgan took a bite of his food and chewed thoughtfully. "You haven't really talked much about what happened to you in Georgia."

Reid fidgeted uncomfortably. "They made me talk to the Bureau psychiatrist. She cleared me for duty."

"You're a profiler, kid. You think I don't know you could pass any psychological test they can throw at you? And I'm not saying that you shouldn't be working. But you need to talk to somebody."

"I'm fine," Reid said quickly.

"How often have you been using the drugs?" Morgan asked conversationally.

Reid looked up, the expression on his face giving the impression of him being a dear caught in the headlights. "What are you talking about?" he asked, voice a little higher than usual.

Morgan pushed his plate of food away and leaned forward, elbows on the table, and his face suddenly deadly serious. "You're high right now, aren't you?"

Reid laughed, the sound slightly hysterical. "Morgan, you- you're confused. I-I'm not-… I don't-…" he sputtered, trying to keep the smile on his face. "That's crazy," he finally managed to finish.

Morgan's face was still locked in that serious look. "I'm sorry, kid. I knew something was going on with you, we all did. I thought maybe it was PTSD. But we all left you to deal with it on your own. We should have been there for you. I should have been there. I should have seen. I'm sorry."

The faux smile fell of Reid's face as Morgan spoke. He dropped his eyes to the table, seeming to struggle with himself to find the words. It looked as though he was trying to decide if he wanted to admit to the drug use or to continue to try to deny it. The internal battle waged for nearly a minute before he looked back up. "Pretty stupid thing to do for someone who's supposed to be a genius isn't it?" he smiled, but it was bitter and self-deprecating.

"Not stupid. Not really smart either," Morgan sighed, his dark eyes troubled. "It's the Dilauded, isn't it?"

Reid nodded, almost imperceptibly, avoiding eye contact. Morgan wasn't reacting to this in a way he had expected. There was no yelling, or threatening. No accusations or anger, only a weary acceptance. "I stole it from Tobias after I shot him. After I ran out I bought my own. I t-… I tried to stop. I really did. I threw it out twice. But I always-… I always got more afterwards." He ran a trembling hand through his hair.

"How often do you take it?"

"Usually only once a day, but I don't take it at all if we're working a case," he elaborated, shooting a quick glance at Morgan.

"Why do you only take it when you're home?" Morgan asked. He was still acting much to calm for Reid to understand, and things that Reid didn't understand made him nervous.

"I-I wouldn't compromise a case. And when I'm working I don't want it so much. And we don't really sleep much when we're out of town on a case, so-…" Reid shrugged. "I don't need it as much when I'm distracted and stuff." Reid twisted his hands nervously, glancing at Morgan again, trying to gauge his reaction. "Are you going to tell Hotch?"

Morgan shook his head. "If Hotch knows for sure he'll have to report it, and you'll be fired. I won't tell him as long as you stop."

Reid looked desperate. "I've tried before, Morgan. I don't think I can do it." He looked so hopeless that it almost made Morgan want to cry.

He didn't. Instead he leaned forward and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Yes, you can, and you will. You've only tried by yourself before. Now you've got help. You don't have to be alone anymore."

E/N- Wow, that was totally supposed to be something else. It was planned on being a story about Reid coming home right after Revelations, sort of a follow-up to Bot with the Blues, and then it morphed into this. I don't know what happened… I went back and tweaked the beginning to suit this a little better, because the first several paragraphs were written with my other story in mind, but I still feel like the storyline is a little confused. I was planning on making this a one-shot, but I'm not very happy with the ending, even after writing it three times, so I am considering continuing it. I'm not sure yet. We'll see. If you liked it keep an eye out for the possibility of more, but I am not making any promises. Reviews are appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own Criminal Minds, nor am I making any money by playing with its characters.

A/N- Happy 2011 to everyone! I decided that this story did require some more to be written. Thank you to those who added this story to their favourites and alerts, and to those who reviewed. BTW, who else is as excited as me as the new episode of Criminal Minds coming out on January 12th? It looks to be the episode that we find out about Reid's secret finally! Thank god Reid finally gets an episode! He hasn't really had one since Amplification in season 4. I know some people call the Uncanny Valley a Reid storyline, but I don't feel it really counts.

Chapter 2

Reid woke slowly from a dreamless sleep. He couldn't determine the exact moment he woke entirely, his brain was fuzzy, as it always was when he used Dilauded the night before, and something he couldn't quite pinpoint was different than usual. He was in his own bed, he knew that much, and when he cautiously cracked his eyes open he saw daylight streaming in through his window. A glance at the clock on his bedside table told him that it was 7:30am.

He could smell coffee and something cooking. That was what was different. Who was in his apartment? No one was ever in his apartment.

He closed his eyes and groaned softly as his thought process became a little clearer. Morgan had come over last night, and he knew about the drugs. Reid thought back to the conversation at the kitchen table. He had taken quite a lot of Dilauded that night and couldn't say for sure what had all happened. He had felt oddly numb, and then everything went black. He had probably fallen asleep, or passed out right at the table, and Morgan had put him in his room. He tossed the blanket aside and saw that his tie had been taken off, but other than that he was fully clothed. Thank god Morgan hadn't felt the need to put him in pajamas. He was embarrassed enough as it was, but he didn't think he could face the older man at all if that had been the case.

A clatter in the kitchen broke through his thoughts, and he rolled over to sit on the side of the bed for a moment, then steeled himself and went out to the kitchen.

Morgan stood over the stove, cooking scrambled eggs as toast popped out of the toaster. Coffee was percolating on the countertop. Reid didn't remember having eggs or bread in the house, and guessed that Morgan must have gone shopping, maybe at the little shop just on the corner. He stood awkwardly for a moment, shuffling his feet before he coughed quietly to let Morgan know he was there without having to say anything.

Morgan turned around, amusement sweeping over his face as he looked at the younger man. "Nice hair," he said.

Reid self-consciously raised his hand and ran it through his hair, trying to tame it a bit. Morgan turned back to the counter and scrapped the eggs onto two plates and threw he toast on to join them. He handed Reid one of the plates and went to sit at the table. Reid continued to stand there, looking bewildered.

"Are you going to sit down and eat?" Morgan asked after a minute.

Reid set the plate down and retrieved a cup of coffee, stirring sugar in before going to sit across from Morgan. He held his coffee, unmoving, with an odd look of detachment on his face.

Morgan put his fork down, looking concerned. "You alright, kid?"

Reid seemed to think over the question, eyes scanning the walls almost as if looking for an answer there. "I'm not used to waking up to find someone in my kitchen," he said after a few moments.

Morgan chuckled, picking his fork back up and continuing to eat.

Reid took a few sips of coffee, waking up a bit after a few minutes and having drank half the cup. "Did you spend the night here?"

"Yeah. You have a surprisingly comfortable couch," he took a bite of toast. "I'll be staying here for a few days." It was a statement, not a question, and Reid looked startled. "I've already talked to my neighbor, and she'll take care of my dog for me. We'll see how everything goes after that. I found the syringes in the bathroom drawer and threw them out. Where do you keep the Dilauded?"

Reid didn't answer immediately. His brain was still processing the absurdity of the situation. Morgan acting like the whole thing was completely normal was not helping matters at all. "Medicine cabinet," he finally responded. "In the box for Nyquil."

Morgan nodded, and ate the last bites of his breakfast, then disappeared into the bathroom. Reid cringed as he heard the cabinet being opened and the faucet running as the drug presumably disappeared down the drain.

Morgan returned to the dining room and sat back down into his chair at the table. "Eat your breakfast, kid. You didn't eat last night and you're too skinny as it is."

"You sound like my mother," Reid grumbled as he begrudgingly took a bite of toast. "You don't have to stay at my apartment."

"It's only for a few days. You'll survive."

Reid dropped his half-eaten piece of toast back on his plate and returned to his coffee. "I'll stop taking it, okay? I don't need a babysitter."

Morgan sighed. "Look, Reid, no offence, but you're an addict-"

"I'm not an addict," Reid broke in, looking indignant. "I'll admit, I use a drug sometimes, but I'm stopping. That's not the same thing."

"Listen to yourself, kid. You're a profiler. You have a degree in psychology, among other things. You know as well as I do that that's something that addicts say."

"You don't trust me?" Reid's voice had taken on an edge that said he was about to get angry very soon.

"It's not about whether or not I trust you. For the record; I do. But right now you need help. I think you know that, or you wouldn't have made that comment the other day about how it's impossible to stop an addiction without help."

"I was talking about the arsonist case, not myself," Reid tried to justify, but he knew that Morgan was right. He _had _been asking for help. But now that Morgan was here and knew about everything, he desperately wished that he hadn't said anything. He was quiet for a long moment, waiting for Morgan to respond, but he didn't. "Was that how you knew?" he finally asked.

"Like I told you last night, I've known something was up with you for a while now, but I didn't know what it was. But when you made that comment, yeah, I guess that was when I figured it out. I'm guessing everyone knows now, except maybe Garcia who wasn't there."

Reid groaned and put his face in his hands.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing, kid. I don't think Hotch or Gideon will say anything about it to you. They would have to report you if they had any evidence for sure. JJ knew that I was coming over here last night and why. She was going to come herself if I didn't."

Reid kept his face buried in his hands. "Everyone knows," his voice was muffled, but Morgan could still hear how distraught he was.

Morgan clapped his hand on the younger man's shoulder, knowing that he didn't usually like to be touched, but needing to give some gesture to try to comfort him anyway. "It's not like we didn't all know that something was wrong before. Now we just know what it is."

Reid finally picked his head up, and Morgan was surprised to see that even with how upset he was, he hadn't been crying. "I should go get ready for work," was all he said.

Morgan let go of Reid's shoulder. Apparently he wasn't feeling in the mood to have a heart-to-heart conversation at the moment. Just as well, as the really did need to be getting to work soon. "You didn't eat much," he nodded to Reid's mostly full breakfast plate.

"Not really hungry," Reid mumbled. "Thanks for cooking, though. You didn't have to do that."

"Sure I did. Maybe you prefer to skip endless numbers of meals in a row, but I need my food in the morning." Morgan smirked. "Do you want to ride in to work with me today?"

Reid balked at that, and Morgan could guess why. He didn't want the team to see them arriving together. "If you're going to be staying here for a few days don't you have to go and get your stuff? You're still wearing yesterday's clothes anyway." Reid picked up his plate and dumped the food in the garbage can. "You can go home and get your stuff if you want, and I'll just take the train like usual and meet you at the office."

"Fair enough," Morgan agreed, and headed for the door as he pulled his coat on. "I'll see you in about an hour." He slipped his shoes on and left the apartment.

Reid sighed in relief as the door swung closed. He had really needed a bit of time to himself to process everything that had happened in the past ten hours, even though he had been asleep for seven of them. Everything felt so surreal. Morgan knew about his drug use, along with everyone else. Reid had always imagined if the team was to know about the Dilauded they would be angry with him, but that didn't seem to be the case. Part of him wondered if this was all a dream and he was going to wake up soon.

Sighing again, he moved to the bathroom, hoping a shower would clear his head a bit.

/cm/

Reid shifted his shoulder bag as he rode the elevator up to the right floor. He felt much better now. The shower had helped clear his head, and so had the three more cups of sugar-loaded coffee he had drank before leaving his apartment. He had stopped at the small coffee shop a block away from work and got himself another cup of coffee, then after a moment's hesitation he had gotten a few muffins, which he now carried in a paper bag.

He exited the elevator and hurried to his desk. It was 8:45, so he was a few minutes early. Morgan had not arrived yet, but he could see the doors of both Hotch and Gideon's offices open, and Emily was at her desk, looking at something on her computer. She looked up as Reid approached and set his bag and coffee on his desk.

"Morning," she said pleasantly, though there was an air of caution in her voice, as if she wasn't certain her greeting would be welcome.

Reid was struck again with how awful he had been to her. "Good morning," he fidgeted a bit, then grabbed the bag from the coffee shop, and brought it over to her desk. "I was getting coffee this morning, and I-I sometimes get muffins there for JJ and I, because we both really like them and I remember you said th-that you like chocolate, and, uh, they had some fresh baked chocolate chip ones, so I thought I'd grab one for you too," he cut off his ramble and put the muffin on a napkin on her desk, flushing at her bewildered expression. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want it," he mumbled as he beat a hasty retreat back to his desk.

"Uh, no, this is great, Reid," Emily said, seeming to gather herself, and gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you, I didn't have time for breakfast this morning."

Reid smiled cautiously, and then pulled out a blueberry one for himself before turning to the stack of consults on his desk. It was less than a minute later that JJ passed him, and slowed down, looking hopefully at the bag. "Yes, they had the lemon ones you like," Reid smiled, and JJ dug hers out and threw away the now empty bag away for him.

"You're the best, Spence," she said. She glanced at Emily, who was eating her muffin, then looked back at Reid. She smiled knowingly at him before heading to her office.

JJ, along with everyone else, had noticed how cold Reid had been to Prentiss. She didn't have to be a profiler to see that his hostility towards Emily didn't really have much to do with any dislike he felt towards her, but was merely a means of taking his stress about everything and venting it in the form of anger at one person. JJ knew Reid well enough that she knew he would start to feel bad about it at some point. She also knew that he would be too shy to actually apologize, and instead would give some kind of gesture. She had told Emily that, and by the pleased look on her face as she ate her muffin, it was obvious that Emily understood that the simple act of bringing her breakfast was Reid's way of reaching out. Amazingly enough the gesture seemed to mean more that any words could.

JJ continued to smile as she started working. Reid had been struggling in the aftermath of what had happened to him in Georgia, and she felt that his tentative acceptance of the team's newest member was the first sign that he was starting to recover. Maybe it wouldn't be long before he was the Spencer that she knew and loved like a brother again.

E/N- I was really unsure of this chapter when I started. I was hesitant to continue after the first 500 words, because I felt it was a bit boring, but I convinced myself to keep going for a little longer, and in the end I think it was alright. Emily is not one of my favourite characters (though I don't dislike her!) so I struggled with writing the end. I did manage to push through since I felt there was no possibility of this story feeling complete unless the issues between her and Reid were dealt with, at least in part. I'm not sure if I will write any more; this may be a good place to end it. I'll probably give writing some more of it a go, as I do have some half-formed ideas, and if I think it merits posting I'll put it up. Sorry about any typos, I have gone through to try to fix what I've found, but I'm sure there are still some there.

I'm not a review junky, but they are very much appreciated, so if you have a minute I would love to hear what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I do not own Criminal Minds and I am not making any money by writing about it.

A/N- while this story is not a sequel to my other fic, Boy with the Blues, it is written with the idea of that story having happened prior to this. You don't have to read Boy with the Blues for this to make sense, but this chapter does have a reference to that story.

Chapter 3

Morgan tossed restlessly, unable to find a comfortable position. As far as couches went, it was true that Reid's was pretty comfortable, but it was day four of him sleeping there, and he was really missing sleeping in a bed.

Reid had been doing remarkably well the past several days, and Morgan was thinking that maybe the next night he would go home. Reid had seemed to get a little irritated with him that night, but Morgan suspected it didn't have much to do with any withdrawal from the Dilauded. It was more likely Reid was just unused to having a houseguest, and missed having his apartment to himself. But Reid had been fairly tolerant about Morgan hovering over him for the better part of the week. He even looked better than he had for the past several months. Apart from looking a little tired, Reid seemed to practically be himself again. He was rattling out statistics like usual, reading books like some people ate candy, and had been remarkably amiable. He had been smiling a lot more, and sometimes talked to the other team members about things unrelated to work. The night before he had even asked even asked everyone if they wanted to go out to eat after work, and several of them had. And Morgan hadn't missed the fact that Reid seemed to be getting along with Prentiss finally.

Morgan rolled onto his back, still unable to get comfortable, but he couldn't help but smile a bit. The kid was doing alright.

His smile faded and he stopped moving when he heard a soft noise come from Reid's room. He lay still, but didn't hear any more. He frowned. It could have been his imagination, and the more time that passed in quiet the more he thought that's what it was. He was about to close his eyes when he heard it again, more clearly. It was a whimper, this time followed by a soft, but clearly terrified "please."

Morgan was halfway down the hallway before he realized he didn't remember having made the conscious decision to even get up. That was probably because he had been waiting for Reid to have a nightmare for the past several nights. As he reached the door Reid spoke again, this time his voice laced heavily with panic.

"No. Please," followed by a soft sob. "Please don't. Please."

Morgan entered Reid's room, not needing to turn on a light, as Reid always slept with the dim lamp on his bedside table on. He quickly dropping to a knee by the side of the bed, and grabbed the younger man's shoulder. "Reid, wake up, man. It's just a dream."

The attempt at comfort did not have the desired effect as Reid flinched and let out a strangled cry. A tear seeped from under closed eyelids. It was the first time Morgan had seen Reid cry since the night he had visited him in the hospital in Georgia. True, he had teared up a bit when talking to Morgan about his difficulty with the crime scene photos on his first case back, but this was different.

Morgan gripped Reid's arm gently. "Come on kid, wake up. It's alright."

Reid batted feebly at Morgan's arm, trying to push him away. "No,no,no, please, no," he chanted, his chest hitching with quiet sobs.

"Spencer!" Morgan raised his voice in attempt to draw Reid from his nightmare. It may have been the first time he used the man's first name.

It worked, and Reid snapped awake, bolting up, his dark eyes darting across the room as if trying to locate any monsters hiding in the corners that had followed him from his dreams to the waking world. His eyes finally settled on Morgan, but he still looked terrified. "I don't want to be buried alive," he said desperately.

The older man cringed. He remembered seeing the half dug hole in the graveyard in Georgia and the shovel beside it. Though Reid hadn't talked about it he assumed that Tobias, or the persona of Charles to be more accurate, had been making the young man dig his own grave, and that had always disturbed him greatly. The idea that he may have been planning to bury Reid alive was even worse.

"Nobody's going to bury you alive, kid," Morgan had to work hard to keep the steel edge of anger out of his voice at the thought of someone doing that to a person who he considered a brother. "You're at home. You're safe here."

Reid blinked a few times, his eyes starting to focus a bit more. He sat up and shoved his blankets aside. He ran a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the tears, and Morgan didn't miss the way his hand was shaking.

"Kid, you alright?" Morgan asked. Reid did not respond, but instead remained sitting with his head bowed, hair falling forward to hide his face. Morgan reached over and touched his shoulder again.

Reid flinched away, almost violently this time. "Don't," he said. "Don't touch me."

"Sorry," Morgan said softly and let his hand fall away. "Do you want to talk about it?"

""No," Reid said harshly

"Kid, it would probably help-"

"I'm not a kid," Reid snapped. "Stop treating me like a child just because I'm younger than you." Reid got out of bed and stood, his posture aggressive. "I don't need you hovering over me all the time," he practically growled before he stormed to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Morgan flinched at the noise. Reid had gone from terrified to as mad as he had ever seen him in the blink of an eye, and he wasn't sure how to process that. He got slowly to his feet and went back to the living room. He dropped heavily on the couch and ran his hand over his head. _I've been an idiot. _He thought. He couldn't help but be irritated with himself. He had known Reid long enough to be aware that if something was wrong with the young man his first instinct was to keep it to himself. He shouldn't have assumed that if Reid was suffering from withdrawal from Dilauded he would automatically tell him. No, Reid would have hid it. He always hid things that he felt made him appear weak.

In the bathroom Reid splashed water on his face then left the water running to muffle his ragged breathing from Morgan. He was angry with himself for having a nightmare, and even more angry that he had snapped at Morgan like that.

He had been avoiding getting much sleep the past several days. A large reason for his lack of sleep was due to the fact that without being high it was difficult for him to sleep, but he had also been avoiding doing so because without the aid of drugs he knew that the nightmares would be waiting for him. He knew that keeping himself from sleeping indefinably was impossible, but he had intended to sleep as little as possible while Morgan was staying with his so that the older man would not witness his nightmares and their aftermath. In addition to not sleeping, Reid had been feeling increasingly shaky and sick the past several days. He had been able to hide it from Morgan so as not to concern him, and was fairly certain the man had thought he was doing well. Until he had ruined it with the damn nightmare, that was.

Reid's thoughts strayed to the thing he had avoided about thinking about for the past for days. The thing that he had not told Morgan about. The thing that was hidden in the back of his sock drawer.

When he had gotten his own Dilauded he had still had at least another three doses of Tobias' Dilauded left, but he had wanted to use the pure Dilauded rather than the Dilauded-psychedelic cocktail that Tobias had used, so he had moved that vial to a hiding place in his sock drawer. He told himself the reason he had not let Morgan know about it when he was getting rid of the other drugs was that he had just forgot, but he knew that wasn't true. It was his insurance policy, his 'in case of emergency' stash. There were extra syringes there too. If he went to his room he could take just a little, and he would feel so much better.

But though he craved the drug badly, he found he didn't _want_ to take it. He didn't want to undo the work he had done over the past several days to stay clean.

Breathing hard Reid backed up until his back hit the wall, then slid down with his knees pulled to his chest and buried his face in his trembling hands. He bit his lip hard to keep in the sobs that were threatening to escape. He twisted his long fingers into his hair and pulled, using the pain to try to distract himself, but he was unsuccessful. He didn't want to use the drug, but was not certain he would be able to restrain himself if it was in the house.

His movements decisive Reid pushed himself off the floor and threw the door open. He left the bathroom faucet running as he went to his room and dug through the drawer until he found the vial.

"Reid, what are you doing?" Morgan came back to stand in the doorway.

Reid clutched the glass vial in his hand and pushed passed Morgan, going back to the bathroom.

"Reid?" Morgan's voice took on a note of alarm as he followed the younger man. "What do you have in your hand, man?" Reid went into the bathroom, Morgan close behind him. When he saw the vial in his hand he grabbed Reid's arm, assuming he meant to use it.

Reid pushed Morgan away, and unscrewed the top of the bottle.

"Reid, don't-…" Morgan started, but trailed off when he saw Reid dumping the drug down the drain.

When it was empty he dropped the vial into the sink and it fell with a dull clatter. Reid watched the vial roll slowly back and forth in the curve of the sink, and Morgan watched Reid.

Reid let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and sat down on the tile floor again, pressed against the wall. He was pale, and a single tear spilled down his cheek.

Morgan crouched next to Reid and the young man looked up at him, tremors shaking him almost violently. "I-I-I d-didn't tell you th-that I had more," he practically whimpered. "I'm sorry."

Morgan shook his head, and ran his hand up and down Reid's back in a soothing gesture, amazed at how tightly coiled all his muscles were. "It's alright, Reid."

"I-I k-k-kept it just in c-case…" Reid stopped and swallowed hard. His mouth seemed to have forgotten how to work, and each word was a struggle to get out. Even his lips appeared to be shaking. "I-in c-case I needed it, b-b-but then I-I needed it, but I d-d-didn't want it, so I had t-to get rid of it." His body slumped in relief at being able to finish his sentence. He still shook, but Morgan could feel his muscles relaxing incrementally.

"You did real good, kid," Morgan assured him. "I know it was hard, but you did really good."

"I'm done with it," Reid mumbled after a few minutes. The tremors were subsiding and he looked exhausted. The ever-present dark circles under his eyes were even worse than usual, and Morgan wondered how long it had been since he had gotten a full night's sleep. He guessed that it had been the first night he had slept on his couch, when he had been high for the last time.

"I'm done with it," Reid repeated, still in a low, exhausted voice, but there was determination there as well. "I can't rely on it any more. I'm done."

"Good," Morgan said. He stood up. "Come on, let's get you back to bed."

He pulled Reid to his feet and guided him back to his room. Reid already seemed half asleep, and was hardly able to walk under his own power. Once in his room he dropped into bed, drawing the blanket over himself. Morgan was pretty sure he was asleep within seconds. He stood at the foot of the bed for a moment longer, looking at the young man. He realized he would probably never understand how difficult it was for him to throw the drug away, and was impressed, not for the first time, at how the man who was the youngest and least physically powerful on the team was also probably the most strong.

He stared to turn away, but paused. "I'm proud of you, kid," he said softly before quietly leaving the room.

His back turned, he did not notice the small, if tired smile that pulled at the corner of the young man's mouth.

Getting rid of the drug seemed to lift a large weight off of Reid's shoulders. He didn't yet feel free of the drug, or the memories that haunted him from those two days in Georgia. He wasn't sure he ever would be entirely free of them. But for the first time he felt he had a chance. This time when he drifted off to sleep it was willingly, and for the first time in months his sleep was both drugless and peaceful.

_The End_

E/N- Alright, that's all folks. I pretty much feel like this is over. Obviously more could be added if I wanted to push it, but I feel like this was the story I wanted to tell, and adding any more would just be redundant. I imagine I will be writing more Criminal Minds fiction, so if you liked this story keep an eye out for others. Thank you to everyone who read this. I really appreciated all the adds to favourite lists and alerts, and especially the reviews.


End file.
